Collaborating together to write an entry as this next chapter unfolds. We've received questions and we want to answer them.
1. How much time has adding this child cost to your adoption of Kally?
Answer: In the end, it will probably add three months of time. In theory, it should not add this much. August is a quiet month in Kally & Hristo's country and things don't really start to move again until close to the middle of September. We took a long time to consider this; had we moved while we were visiting Kally, we probably would have saved ourselves a month. On average, it adds 1-2 more months.
2. Is it possible to add another child to an adoption at this point?
Answer: We have spoken privately with so many people and it is amazing us that even seasoned adoptive parents who have adopted multiple times from Kally's country apparently do not understand the process and spread misinformation! The answer is YES. Basically, any time up to the child's file submitted for court, another child could be added. There are better times in the process to do this than now, but yes, it is possible. It happens after someone has traveled on their first trip. PLEASE do not listen to individuals who, while apparently experienced, honestly have no idea what they are talking about. Talk to your adoption agency.
3. What's going on now?
Answer: We have a USCIS issue that is not our fault. For the first time, we've actually been pink slipped. The reason is nothing to do with anything legally with our adoption. We submitted our I 800 A Supplement 3, which is a document that is submitted when you are asking for a change in your I 800 A approval. Our I 800 A approval was written (sadly) only for a sibling of Kally's. It was rewritten to include two unrelated children, so a new approval was needed. This new USCIS worker has requested new child abuse clearances, but it is unclear why, as the original I 800 A approval included the existing clearances and those were sufficient. We are praying that this ironed out quickly. However, there is no concern that USCIS will not approve our request. We meet the criteria set forth by USCIS for the adoption of two children. Just need to get the paperwork straight!
4. Will you travel to meet this second child?
Answer: Yes. I will be traveling with my son Joshua in 10 days! My husband won't be able to travel with me on this trip. It could have been possible to waive our trip to meet this child, but neither of us believed that this was appropriate given the circumstances. Hristo and Kally's country does not always allow trip waivers but given that we had already traveled once, it could have been possible. Although we would prefer not to spend the funds, it is very important for us to meet him.
5. Have you been formally "matched"?
Answer: Yes. We submitted that paperwork in mid-August and received notification that we were formally matched to his file by his country in September. We are still waiting on a translated referral, but it is in the possession of our agency in his country. This means that Hristo's country has already preliminarily agreed to allow us to continue with his adoption.
6. Does Kally know?
Answer: No. This is by choice. In the unlikely event that something does not work out with this adoption, we do not yet want Kally to know. We will write to her when it is confirmed and share the news. For those who have asked, we don't know how Kally might feel about this. We have no reason to believe she will not be happy, but we don't know.
7. What sort of orphanage is Hristo located in?
Answer: A very bad one. This is much different from Kally, who is located in a small "group home" type setting. No institution is ideal, of course, but Kally's is reasonable. She is well fed and clothed and has access to a substandard but consistent education.
Hristo's situation is far less ideal. The region of the country he is located is also incredibly economically depressed. His institution is in a city that, by all accounts, is far below even the city near Kally's tiny village. The institution is in an urban setting, but far different from Pleven. It is not a crumbling, imposing institution as Pleven was; full of neglected children with special needs. This was our previous definition of "bad".
Hristo is located in an institution that is renowned in that area for "trouble". Translated newspaper articles recount the number of "incidents" that occur in that place; things like thefts, drugs, vandalism. "Graduates" of his institution have been cited for violations including stealing, using or dealing drugs, or harassment, among other things. The orphanage houses about 60 children. 12 of these children were slated to be moved into a "family type setting" similar to Kally's; if that institution has opened, Hristo was not included in that move.
During Hristo's personal interview and interview with staff, it was shared that he is one of the "good" children. He helps with chores and tries to do his school work. Sadly, as the influences of the negative children seep in, children like Hristo are at greater risk of misbehavior and eventually, run-ins with the law. Try to image the social circle he is in. Imagine the pressure children like him must feel; trying to negotiate being friends with "popular" children who are likely misbehaving, while remaining a child who follows rules and gets some kind of an education.
8. How are you preparing for him?
Answer: On multiple levels and in multiple ways. Practically, we must work to convert bedrooms and reconfigure. That is the easy part.
The harder part is preparing to parent two additional children with different needs. Kally is tough on the exterior. She has experienced heartache and loss in her short life. Her attitude is one of caution and bravado; beneath that, she has shown us just how much love she needs and how much attention she craves.
While we have not met Hristo yet, it is safe to say that he has also experienced loss and trauma (haven't all orphans?). The information we have is that he is fairly quiet and tries hard. But he is also a boy, and a boy at a pivotal point in his life. In a few years, there will be little left to salvage for him. He needs much more than love - like all children, he needs consistency, he needs loving rules, and patience.
We are also praying daily. There is no possible way to bring home two older children without praying daily!
9. Will you change his name?
Answer: Probably not. We may select a new middle name for him, as we did for Kally.
We'll update as we can :) Please continue to pray for our family, and especially for Kally and Hristo!
1. How much time has adding this child cost to your adoption of Kally?
Answer: In the end, it will probably add three months of time. In theory, it should not add this much. August is a quiet month in Kally & Hristo's country and things don't really start to move again until close to the middle of September. We took a long time to consider this; had we moved while we were visiting Kally, we probably would have saved ourselves a month. On average, it adds 1-2 more months.
2. Is it possible to add another child to an adoption at this point?
Answer: We have spoken privately with so many people and it is amazing us that even seasoned adoptive parents who have adopted multiple times from Kally's country apparently do not understand the process and spread misinformation! The answer is YES. Basically, any time up to the child's file submitted for court, another child could be added. There are better times in the process to do this than now, but yes, it is possible. It happens after someone has traveled on their first trip. PLEASE do not listen to individuals who, while apparently experienced, honestly have no idea what they are talking about. Talk to your adoption agency.
3. What's going on now?
Answer: We have a USCIS issue that is not our fault. For the first time, we've actually been pink slipped. The reason is nothing to do with anything legally with our adoption. We submitted our I 800 A Supplement 3, which is a document that is submitted when you are asking for a change in your I 800 A approval. Our I 800 A approval was written (sadly) only for a sibling of Kally's. It was rewritten to include two unrelated children, so a new approval was needed. This new USCIS worker has requested new child abuse clearances, but it is unclear why, as the original I 800 A approval included the existing clearances and those were sufficient. We are praying that this ironed out quickly. However, there is no concern that USCIS will not approve our request. We meet the criteria set forth by USCIS for the adoption of two children. Just need to get the paperwork straight!
4. Will you travel to meet this second child?
Answer: Yes. I will be traveling with my son Joshua in 10 days! My husband won't be able to travel with me on this trip. It could have been possible to waive our trip to meet this child, but neither of us believed that this was appropriate given the circumstances. Hristo and Kally's country does not always allow trip waivers but given that we had already traveled once, it could have been possible. Although we would prefer not to spend the funds, it is very important for us to meet him.
5. Have you been formally "matched"?
Answer: Yes. We submitted that paperwork in mid-August and received notification that we were formally matched to his file by his country in September. We are still waiting on a translated referral, but it is in the possession of our agency in his country. This means that Hristo's country has already preliminarily agreed to allow us to continue with his adoption.
6. Does Kally know?
Answer: No. This is by choice. In the unlikely event that something does not work out with this adoption, we do not yet want Kally to know. We will write to her when it is confirmed and share the news. For those who have asked, we don't know how Kally might feel about this. We have no reason to believe she will not be happy, but we don't know.
7. What sort of orphanage is Hristo located in?
Answer: A very bad one. This is much different from Kally, who is located in a small "group home" type setting. No institution is ideal, of course, but Kally's is reasonable. She is well fed and clothed and has access to a substandard but consistent education.
Hristo's situation is far less ideal. The region of the country he is located is also incredibly economically depressed. His institution is in a city that, by all accounts, is far below even the city near Kally's tiny village. The institution is in an urban setting, but far different from Pleven. It is not a crumbling, imposing institution as Pleven was; full of neglected children with special needs. This was our previous definition of "bad".
Hristo is located in an institution that is renowned in that area for "trouble". Translated newspaper articles recount the number of "incidents" that occur in that place; things like thefts, drugs, vandalism. "Graduates" of his institution have been cited for violations including stealing, using or dealing drugs, or harassment, among other things. The orphanage houses about 60 children. 12 of these children were slated to be moved into a "family type setting" similar to Kally's; if that institution has opened, Hristo was not included in that move.
During Hristo's personal interview and interview with staff, it was shared that he is one of the "good" children. He helps with chores and tries to do his school work. Sadly, as the influences of the negative children seep in, children like Hristo are at greater risk of misbehavior and eventually, run-ins with the law. Try to image the social circle he is in. Imagine the pressure children like him must feel; trying to negotiate being friends with "popular" children who are likely misbehaving, while remaining a child who follows rules and gets some kind of an education.
8. How are you preparing for him?
Answer: On multiple levels and in multiple ways. Practically, we must work to convert bedrooms and reconfigure. That is the easy part.
The harder part is preparing to parent two additional children with different needs. Kally is tough on the exterior. She has experienced heartache and loss in her short life. Her attitude is one of caution and bravado; beneath that, she has shown us just how much love she needs and how much attention she craves.
While we have not met Hristo yet, it is safe to say that he has also experienced loss and trauma (haven't all orphans?). The information we have is that he is fairly quiet and tries hard. But he is also a boy, and a boy at a pivotal point in his life. In a few years, there will be little left to salvage for him. He needs much more than love - like all children, he needs consistency, he needs loving rules, and patience.
We are also praying daily. There is no possible way to bring home two older children without praying daily!
9. Will you change his name?
Answer: Probably not. We may select a new middle name for him, as we did for Kally.
We'll update as we can :) Please continue to pray for our family, and especially for Kally and Hristo!
